Fortune 033: Phone Call

Cold sweat streamed down Nan Shi’s forehead. The moment those lifeless eyes met his, his first instinct was: Run! What are you shaking for? If you don’t run now, you’re dead!

He didn’t hesitate for even a second—he turned and bolted into the dense forest.

No way was he going to mess with a giant cat that could snap people up like cookies!

The forest was truly thick. Nan Shi had hoped the trees might slow down a monster the size of a hill, but the cacophony of cracking wood behind him, like a string of firecrackers, told him all he needed to know—trees were being flattened.

Luckily, Nan Shi was now a ghost, and with all the perks of a wandering spirit, he could pass through trees and rocks. If he’d still been alive, he wouldn’t have made it five hundred meters before dropping dead on the spot.

But it wasn’t much use. He was running in a straight line—and so was the cat!

At least the cat had a physical body and was at a slight disadvantage.

The heavy footsteps drew closer and closer, thundering right in his ears.

Nan Shi knew running like this was pointless. He didn’t know if the monster could shrink itself, but what if it could? If it suddenly got small, how could his two legs outrun four? Not even an Olympic champion could manage that!

He guessed his senior brother must have sent someone to watch over him. Without thinking, he shouted, “Qing Lan! Qing He! Qing Ying! Help! Save me—!”

Unfortunately, no familiar blue shadow appeared at his side.

He really was in trouble now!

Nan Shi had no idea how long he’d been running. He could hear his own ragged breathing, and the deep, engine-like growl just a meter behind him. He didn’t know how much longer he could last.

Just then, someone shouted, “Here! Over here! Hurry!”

Nan Shi turned his head and saw a young man running as well. He moved much faster than Nan Shi, even looking back with ease.

“Don’t just stand there! I’m talking to you!” the young man yelled again.

Nan Shi immediately veered in his direction. The young man reached out, and as soon as their hands met, Nan Shi was pulled into a pitch-black space.

—Well, not quite pitch-black; there was still some light. But Nan Shi’s instincts told him this was a cramped, dark room—so small he felt he could poke his head out at any moment.

The young man clicked his tongue, shoving the gasping Nan Shi into a chair. Seeing his terrified face, he said, “Why were you running around like that? You’re a ghost now—can’t you burrow into the ground? What’s the cat going to do, dig you out?”

No sooner had he finished than the ceiling began to shake, followed by a violent tremor. The young man cursed, grabbed Nan Shi, and kept running downward, muttering, “Shit, it’s really digging! Is that cat insane?!”

Dirt flew past Nan Shi’s eyes. Unlike Nan Shi, the young man seemed completely at ease. Halfway through, he spat outside, “Damn it, that’s my grave! Good job, you dead cat! Just because you’ve become a spirit, you think I can’t deal with you?”

He dragged Nan Shi upward, and in a few seconds, they popped out of the ground beneath a huge tree. Not far away was the golden cat, flinging brown earth to either side, piling it into two small hills.

The moment they emerged, the cat stopped digging and looked their way. With a furious roar, it prepared to pounce.

The young man quickly pulled Nan Shi around the tree three times to the left, three times to the right, then toppled them both into the trunk, and the tree swallowed them whole.

Outside, the giant cat slammed into the trunk, but unlike the other trees it had snapped, this one didn’t budge. The cat reeled, dizzy, but the tree stood firm—not even a leaf fell.

Seeing its prey vanish, the cat roared in frustration, slammed the tree several more times, and, seeing it was useless, let out one last angry howl before turning to leave.

Before it left, it even peed on the tree.

Inside, the young man flipped the cat off.

Nan Shi braced himself on his knees, panting. “Thanks…brother!”

“No problem.” The young man was a bit out of breath, too. He opened something, pulling Nan Shi into a street lined with shops—a ghost market, but every stall and storefront was closed.

“Alright, we’re safe in the ghost market,” the young man said. “How’d you get mixed up with that thing? That cat’s famous for being brainless—eats whatever it sees. But it’s usually well-behaved, as long as you don’t provoke it. It never goes to the front mountain to eat people or cause trouble.”

“I was just here with a friend, didn’t expect to run into that thing.” Nan Shi’s face was pale; he realized even his thermal underwear was soaked, and his silk robe was a wrinkled mess.

“What about your friend?”

“Probably got eaten.” Nan Shi said quietly, “When I got there, it was about to eat the last one. Then it saw me and chased after me… I don’t know what happened to my friend.”

“Don’t dwell on it.” The young man patted his shoulder. “That thing eats three hundred ghosts a year if its appetite’s bad… I didn’t cultivate properly in my last life, ended up buried on this mountain, and now I have to be careful just leaving my grave… Damn, it even dared dig up my grave!”

He got worked up again, rolling up his sleeves as if to go fight the cat. He took two steps, saw Nan Shi still standing there, and turned back. “I’m going to kill it and make a cat-skin rug! Wait here!”

Nan Shi was still lost in panic. Even though he was dead and his heart no longer beat, the old habit of palpitations lingered. For a moment, he could hear the rush of blood in his ears—though it was nothing serious, he just needed a moment to recover.

The young man saw Nan Shi unmoving and silent. “…Should I really go?”

Nan Shi slowly exhaled, pressing a hand to his chest. “Eh? Well… good luck?”

The young man: “…”

“Forget it! I’ll let it off today!” he grumbled, then deftly changed the subject. “Seriously, are you alright? You don’t look so good.”

He was about to ask more, but Nan Shi waved him off, then pulled out his phone and dialed a number, speaking with utmost sincerity: “Yes, I’d like to report something. There’s a leopard in YY Mountain, H City. Very big… Yes, extremely big. I just escaped from it. Yes, yes, it’s already eaten several people. Please be careful.”

“Hold on, I took some photos. Do you have an email? I can send them as evidence… Alright, I’ll send them right away.”

After hanging up, the young man asked, “Who were you calling?”

“The police,” Nan Shi said, still pressing his chest. “When in trouble, call the police. With a monster that big, if no one deals with it, what then? Over the mountain is H City—if it goes there, it could stomp a few people to death in seconds.”

Not to mention, the terraced fields ahead were a local attraction. People came and went all the time. Even if the monster didn’t go into the city, it could sneak to the front mountain at night and eat a couple of people without anyone knowing—a real headache for the authorities.

As he spoke, Nan Shi sent the photos he’d taken before the monster started eating people to the official email. A cat that size was rare enough to warrant a photo—its body towered above the trees, and anyone checking would know it wasn’t photoshopped.

His phone, brought from the underworld, could get through the boundary—like jumping the firewall—so calling the mortal world was no problem.

Besides, if the underworld was so futuristic, he refused to believe the mortal authorities didn’t have a department for this sort of thing.

“…” The young man was silent for a while. “You’re a ghost now, and you’re still calling the mortal police?”

“Dead or alive, I’m still a rabbit country ghost.” Nan Shi clapped him on the shoulder. “I was running so hard just now, I feel awful. Thanks, brother. I don’t have any cash on me, but I’ll have my family burn you some high-quality handmade gold ingots—best kind.”

“Deal! I won’t be shy about it!” The young man agreed at once, sizing Nan Shi up. “I’m Guo Mingfan… You haven’t been dead long, have you? Why haven’t you reported to the underworld?”

“I’m Nan Shi… I came up here on a travel visa with a friend.” Nan Shi asked, “Why haven’t you gone down?”

Guo Mingfan said, “I didn’t know at first, and no one came to fetch me. I couldn’t find the underworld… Later, some old ghosts told me my case was special. It’s complicated—too much to explain now. You got money? RMB or underworld currency, even US dollars work. Let’s find a place to stay for a couple of days.”

“That cat’s sly and vengeful. You saw it leave, but it might be lurking nearby, waiting for you to come out… When the ghost market opens in a couple of days, we can leave through another exit.”

Nan Shi nodded. “I’ve got money—should be enough.”

He had the money he’d earned from fortune-telling, and if that ran out, he could use his unclosed bank account.

Guo Mingfan seemed very familiar with the ghost market, leading Nan Shi through its lanes until they found a hotel. The receptionist was a deadpan female ghost: “Ten thousand RMB per night. No US dollars. Underworld currency at today’s rate. Checkout after noon counts as another day. Card or cash?”

Nan Shi, who’d been about to use Alipay: “…???”

What, ten thousand?! Was he hearing things? Even a presidential suite at a five-star hotel didn’t cost that much!

The receptionist, seeing his hesitation, looked at him with undisguised contempt. “Take it or leave it.”

Nan Shi looked at Guo Mingfan, who whispered, “That’s the price. No ID checks here—pay and you stay.”

Nan Shi: “You can’t stay somewhere that checks ID?”

“I’m a wandering ghost—no ID.”

Nan Shi, ever the penny-pincher, kept a straight face. “I’ll book you a room. I’ll just stay in a regular one.”

“…That’s not necessary? You can stay with me, can’t you?”

“I can’t sleep with someone else in the room.” Nan Shi told the receptionist, “One room, two nights. Give the key to Mr. Guo.”

The receptionist immediately beamed. “Certainly, sir. Please wait a moment.”

Guo Mingfan took the key, glanced at the room number, and led Nan Shi outside. “I’ll help you find a regular inn, then I’ll come back. In a couple of days, I’ll take you out.”

Soon, Nan Shi was settled in a small inn. After showing his ID, the price was much more reasonable—just three hundred a night. Nan Shi quietly breathed a sigh of relief. His wallet was safe.

He looked at his phone. If he could call the mortal police, he should be able to reach the apricot immortal, right?

Should he give him a scare? His number was set up by Qing Lan—the trendiest underworld number, ending in 4444.

Forget it. Better contact his senior brother first… No one had been following him, which made him suspicious. Even when he’d first arrived in the underworld, Qing Lan had been secretly watching over him.

He had to admit, he’d gotten used to Chi You’s way of doing things—and taken it for granted.

“Hello? Qing Ying?” Nan Shi called. Qing Ying, still awkward with a smartphone, fumbled with the camera before answering, “Young master? What is it?”

“I just ran into a bit of trouble,” Nan Shi said. “I noticed no one was following me, which was odd… Did my senior brother not send anyone?”

“No, Qing Lan was with you.” Qingying’s brows furrowed, her face darkening. “She’s not there? Are you sure?”

“I called for her, but got no response,” Nan Shi explained. “I haven’t seen her, either.”

“Understood,” Qing Ying replied. “Young master, please stay somewhere safe and don’t move around. I’ll report to the Mountain Lord immediately.”

“Alright.” Nan Shi hung up and tossed his coins.

Lower Kan, upper Dui. The hexagram: Distress.

Nan Shi frowned… Who trapped Qing Lan?

***

Elsewhere, in a certain national special department.

“You sure this isn’t photoshopped?” A cocky young man stared at the giant cat on the big screen, towering above the trees. “This can’t be real! I’ve never heard of a monster like that in YY Mountain!”

Another bespectacled youth played the recording of the police call, fingers flying over his keyboard. Soon, the phone’s device info appeared: “Apple 101, underworld special edition. It was a ghost calling… Confirmed.”

Just as Nan Shi had guessed, with the rise in deaths among the post-80s and 90s generations, the authorities were getting more and more calls from the other side. To avoid scaring ordinary staff, they’d added an automatic recognition feature—normal calls went to regular operators, supernatural calls went to the special department.

“If it’s really that big, we have to check it out.” The bespectacled youth made a call. “Hello, Old Hei? It’s me…”

The cocky youth shrugged. “Alright, guess we’re working overtime.”

***

Not long after Nan Shi hung up, he got an unexpected call.

“Fuck your mother! You dare touch my brother’s money! You—! Bet you didn’t expect I’d set up intimate payment on my brother’s Alipay…” Nan Shi calmly held the phone away from his ear and put it on speaker. When Guo Xingxian paused to breathe, Nan Shi said, “Guo’er, you’re so fierce!”

“Fuck… Huh?” Guo Xingxian’s voice changed pitch. “Nan Shi? Shit, you’re not dead?! Huh?!”

“Dead,” Nan Shi said with a laugh. “Calling a ghost yourself, that’s impressive! Want me to crawl through the internet cable and find you?”

Guo Xiaoxian could only express his feelings with profanity: “Come here! Come right now! If you don’t, I’ll dig up your grave!”

“I learned a couple of tricks from my godfather. Want me to set up an altar for you? Offer a pig’s head?”

“Scram!” Nan Shi cursed back, instantly catching the key point: “You’re with your godfather?”

“Yeah, after you suddenly died, my parents were worried, so they had me come back to my hometown for a couple of weeks.” Guo Xingxian skipped over the part where he’d hugged his godfather’s tree trunk and sobbed, wanting to know if Nan Shi was really dead—too embarrassing!

“I’m telling you, unless you treat me to a month of meals, I’ll never let this go!”

“Fine, fine, when I get the chance.” Nan Shi said, “I can’t come out right now. I’ll visit in a few days. Don’t worry about me—I’m doing great down here. The underworld gave me a villa with a garden, my senior brother’s house is right next door, and I spend my days chatting and goofing off. No work, super happy.”

Guo Xingxian, ever the pragmatist, ignored everything else and seized on the key point: “What?! Your senior brother’s dead too?! Damn, is your sect cursed? How’d you both die together?”

Nan Shi: “…”

Ah, he’d forgotten to mention that his senior brother, Chi You, had died eight hundred—maybe over a thousand—years ago.

Guo Xingxian blurted, “Listen to me, Nan Shi, you need to quit your sect! This is bad luck! And stop fortune-telling! I heard there’s karmic retribution! You’re already dead, why not just be a salted fish? Why tell fortunes?!”

Nan Shi replied, “…Don’t ever say that in front of my senior brother, or even your godfather won’t be able to stop him from strangling you.”

“Huh? No way, my godfather’s awesome! Even if your senior brother’s a fierce ghost, it’s useless!”

Nan Shi emphasized, “Just don’t say things like that again. My senior brother is seriously scary! …Anyway, I was about to call you, but you beat me to it. Check on my shop for me—if there’s not enough money, use my card. I’ll try to get back soon.”

“…?” Guo Xingxian was confused. “You’re dead, why do you still care about the shop?”

“Because I want to.” Nan Shi suddenly smiled, eyes crinkling. “I’ll come back and open it as usual. Open at midnight—have you seen ‘Pawnshop No. 8’? That’s what I’ll do!”

Guo Xingxian held back for a long time before saying, “Trafficking in human organs is illegal.”

“…Right, then I’ll sell things like taste, power, lifespan.”

“Then you’ll be operating in a gray area, and if you get caught, you’ll be turned to dust.” Guo Xingxian said, “Nan Shi, can’t you behave? Why not just sell crafts? …Oh, by the way, I brought back that box of bracelets and stuff you bought wholesale. It’s in your shop now, but things stained with blood are unlucky.”

He quickly added, “I’m not saying you’re unlucky, I mean dead people are unlucky… Wait, that’s not what I meant!”

“…Damn!” Seeing him dig himself deeper, Nan Shi finally cursed. “Whatever, we’ll talk when I get back.”

“Alright, I’m hanging up.”

Guo Xingxian agreed, and Nan Shi hung up without another thought. On the other end, Guo Xingxian listened to the dial tone, then, ignoring the drizzle outside, rushed out and hugged the apricot tree in the yard. “Godfather! Nan Shi contacted me! Damn, I think he’s messing with me! He doesn’t sound dead at all!”

The apricot blossoms swayed, petals falling like rain, as if in response.

Guo Xingxian rambled on, “Do you think he’s really dead? It doesn’t make sense! How can he call me if he’s dead?! I don’t believe it—Nan Shi must be alive and well!”

At this, he suddenly thought of something, staring at the tree in horror. “Wait, his senior brother… Could he be running a pyramid scheme? Look, no one’s seen him alive or dead, and he’s transferred over twenty thousand yuan. He keeps saying he can’t visit, and if I hadn’t called, I’d suspect he was afraid to call me… Shit, is it really a pyramid scheme?!”

Just then, a pair of hands reached from behind, gently covering his eyes and blocking his sight.

“Godfather, you’re out?” Guo Xingxian had gotten used to his godfather’s comings and goings since moving into the apricot shrine. He placed his own hand over Apricot Immortal’s, not moving it away, just holding on.

If he didn’t come out, Chi You would really be mistaken for a pyramid scheme boss.

Apricot Immortal thought, not without malice.

“No,” Apricot Immortal whispered in his ear. “Ah Yun, you don’t need to worry about Nan Shi. Lord Chi won’t ignore his disciple.”

“Really? ‘Eat Mountain Bamboo’—what kind of name is that? Does he really like eating mountain bamboo? I know Nan Shi likes it, but…”

Apricot Immortal chuckled. His laughter was his own, but he didn’t want Guo Xingxian to offend that nasty Chi You. Don’t be fooled by Chi You’s lazy appearance now—back when Apricot Immortal was just a sapling, he’d already heard tales of Chi You stirring up storms across the land.

He reminded, “If you ever meet Lord Chi, don’t be rude.”

“…Okay.” Guo Xingxian agreed obediently, then suddenly realized something, once again catching the key point: “Wait, godfather, you know Lord Chi? Lord Chi is Nan Shi’s senior brother? So, he’s not human either?”

“He’s a thousand-year-old fierce ghost,” Apricot Immortal explained. Guo Xingxian acknowledged, then started asking all sorts of questions. Apricot Immortal, caught off guard, ended up revealing quite a bit.

Realizing this, Apricot Immortal smiled in surprise and stopped answering, slowly fading from sight.

The cool hands on Guo Xingxian’s face became insubstantial. He simply leaned against the tree trunk, muttering, “Nan Shi’s senior brother and my godfather are friends? That means they’re peers, so I should call his senior brother ‘uncle’? Nan Shi is his junior brother, so does that mean I should call Nan Shi ‘uncle’ too?”

“By my family’s reckoning, Nan Shi should call you ‘uncle,’ but by his senior brother’s, you’d have to call him ‘brother’!”

“Godfather, can you try to get his senior brother to call you ‘dad’? Then Nan Shi would be my little brother!”

Apricot Immortal flicked his forehead. “Go to sleep.”

What a mess.